Actual Groundhog Day

Here in the backwater, everyone complains about groundhogs eating their gardens, yet seem to be all too willing to take weather advice from the same big rodent ceremonially ripped out of a stump on an annual basis. That’s about the kind of overall logic I’ve come to expect from the place. There are exceptions, but they’re no fun to write about!

In my first post I referred to the popular movie starring Bill Murray, “Groundhog Day,” which is is a dark romp through the repeated day of a man stuck in a Pennsylvania town and ostensibly stuck in his own life. Two things come to mind: The Pennsylvania Polka and the following meme for which I claim no credit:

The Groundhog said six more weeks of winter, so I ate him.

 

Life in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania is not so bad but it is SO cold right now and I’m SO far off the path. I don’t get out of bed some days.

I refuse to feel ridiculous about posting my real feelings “warts and all” in this 2018th year. I’m kind of daring myself to put this on display and this is despite the creepy crazies who are far more infamous for blogging from here than I’ll ever be. Here in Coudersport, there is a single mental health provider for the downtrodden welfarie like me: Dickinson Center, Inc., and, I think it’s important to name them here because they are overloaded and, in my case, do the best they can though I often feel like doctors are just feeling their way along the wall of the dark hallway that is my case file. I’m healthfully distrustful of mental health providers. Just kind of sticking a pin in the topic in case I need to blast them for pulling a total crazy med swap on me at some point.

Short short version, and I won’t revisit this: My mom died when I was about four. My sister died when I was about seventeen. I’m the child of an alcoholic. All these things, together, ensure that a person is going to turn out, like, all fuc*ing wrecked up! And I’ve had a bunch of slaps in the face since I finished graduate school in 2006, which itself was a tumultuous experience, at best. I have all kinds of neurons wired together that make it really difficult to be what I know I can be. As an effeminate boy growing up in Trump country (not going to make the 16 connections from there to here for you , this is the short version, remember?) I was bullied to the point of, like, perfect situational awareness of who is in the room, what they’re talking about, and if it’s me. I’ve found that now that I’m getting in years nobody gives a crap about that anymore, so… maybe I’m losing that edge, which is fine because it takes a lot of energy.

Life was how I wanted it to be for maybe a handful of months. I call that the “I have arrived” time. I have to find new destinations that lie in what we call the future. For time reason and for some years now these potential destinations have eluded me and when I get to a point where I’m awake more often than not, I’ll be poking at that topic to see what I can conjure.

 

 

Hello Again, World

This isn’t my first personal WordPress site but it’s going to be my last, to be sure. I once found a site I put together as a portfolio during my unsuccessful job search of 2011 (I used to be a full-time web designer & developer). I apparently knew a couple of things about WordPress. I don’t have a passion for WordPress, but it’s popular, so to move forward I’ve gotta keep abreast ā€” or two ā€” on it.

I worked on one WordPress site in 2017, Black Forest Broadcasting, for a former colleague, moving her from FrontPage (for the love of all things holy). In fact, she was my boss at my first job at WFRM Radio. I think we’ve been through enough to use the term “colleague” considering that was, what… 1995? That required a moment of thought. Whew.

I’ve got another WordPress project coming up fast for a local 501c3 non-profit whose name I won’t bother dropping until I get that site ironed out. My favorite and most rewarding job of all time was a non-profit job at The Franklin Institute when I finished graduate school in 2006. It was truly an, “I have arrived” situation: living in the city, working a creative job. Then, the economy tanked, and from “the great recession” came personal depression that I’ve wrestled down enough to go public again with the facts that I can do stuff like develop websites, write, train, consult, and more.

I promised a local friend that I’d start a blog. She’s got a heart as big as all outdoors, and a second-to-none wit. We’ve shared many laughs which is where all of this stems: I’ve made a lot of people laugh over the years. For that reason, she strongly suggested I get a blog together and started describing Weebly where she has created a decidedly decent website, even if you find the content eccentric. And here I have a domain and fabulous hosting that, until recently, had an “under construction” page that simply veiled my inability to decide what I want to do.

It’s time to do something, or rather, something MORE. This is the start. There are lots of local authors writing about social issues, history, and environmental issues. These are things that need to be addressed. But they won’t be here.

Conjuring humor is the one ability that can really make life feel worthwhile, and that I’ve proven is an in-born asset, not a fluke. It isn’t for everyone, so sometimes, I totally bomb out. But, it is often those failures and other perceived failings that fuel my funnies, as it goes with many comedians. As Osho stated, “It takes a certain darkness to see the stars.”

In clean: I’m no phony, so I’m often to be taken or left, but often taken. That’ll be up to you if it comes down to it. I’m a social creature who loves to meet people. It’s that reason in particular that I don’t have an easy time living here in Coudersport, PA. There is no ebb and flow of people. It’s like “Groundhog Day” except in a Pennsylvania town with less than half the population of Punxsutawney, but plenty of groundhogs, which are ADORABLE.