Second Cousin, Once Removed By Police

Now, do you want to hear some gossip about somebody you don’t know? Laughing is so important; I take it where I can get it. For the past few days I’ve gotten it from The Potter Leader-Enterprise. The 2/15/18 edition of runs a front-page bit from a report from Pennsylvania State Police at Mansfield about Skyler Williams, 26.

Williams entered an elderly couple’s home in Westfield, a relatively close-by hillbilly hamlet, whereupon she shed some footwear and outer layers. She left her cellphone behind so that police could identify her. This whole ordeal already of a precision strike.

She began cooking breakfast. The report doesn’t detail whether she finished, or ate any of it, but she did use the wrong burner so, you know, I think the success story here is that she didn’t burn the place down considering a wooden cutting board was in close enough proximity to done get burnt up. Plus, raw eggs? Bacon maybe? I’m not seeing that.

Here’s the thing that guarantees her fame: she proceeded to the couple’s bedroom, where they were asleep, I should imagine, and “… climbed into bed with them.” They called police. Williams (she, not me) fled the scene leaving her belongings behind.

It’s not like this never happens (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2183006/Elderly-couples-horror-drunken-neighbour-climbs-bed-them.html). But it happened around here. That’s front page news, babe. That’s what some of us read and talk about. You’ll have to pick up a copy of the PLE or subscribe digitally at http://www.tiogapublishing.com/potter_leader_enterprise/ to find out about the legal troubles she faces now.

Police say she was inebriated, according to the article, but that doesn’t necessarily mean drunk. Alcohol may or may not have been involved. A friend heard she was, “tripping.” I’m not here to investigate, or stab in the dark. I’m just writing about someone with whom I share a surname doing something notably stupid.

It doesn’t seem fair to laugh so hard without making a disclosure of my own. When I was her age, when drinking was fun, I found myself locked out of a residence in an intoxicated state. With no regard for my hand, which remained uninjured, I punched through acrylic glass and opened the door. It was my residence of course, so there were no old folks in my bed, unfortunately.  Also, I’ve used the wrong burner multiple times since, but sober on each occasion. Most recently, I turned on the burner underneath a cheap cover; moments later I noticed the smell of paint burning off of steel. Decoration or safety feature? Perhaps both.

P.S. I’m kidding around in the title: she’s not my probably cousin. There are LOTS of Williamses even around here. If her first name were a little more common, like mine, she could take comfort in Williams coming in around third or fourth in the most common last names in these United States. We just blend with the Johnsons, Smiths, and Joneses.

P.P.S. Find out how common your name is or isn’t with a bit of research at https://www.ssa.gov/oact/babynames/decades/century.html. Neat.

It’s A Sign

For Rent
For Rent

The apartment unit under mine, 1 bed 1 bath, is available, per the sign. See it? It might be hard to read because it’s upside down under the snow. I don’t know how many people know about this sign situation. I would right the sign if it weren’t covered in ice.

Would I, though?

I didn’t when I could have, so I’ll be real and say “no”. It’s not even “my” yard. It’s the right wrong thing to do. I don’t think there is a single person who wants to deal with the rental of that apartment though which I mean most thoroughly and upon which I choose not to expound.

These are the things that make me laugh, and I need to laugh. I literally can’t cry which is weird to me; it seems like it’d be conveniently cathartic. In any case, the rental sign was the size of a postage stamp so I have been laughing about this thing since inception.

I won’t write any more beyond this: I could detail the symbolism of the signage which I also find hilarious in its way I’m going to zip it, lock it, and put it in my pocket.

Call 814— *squint* does that say 555???

Hello Again, World

This isn’t my first personal WordPress site but it’s going to be my last, to be sure. I once found a site I put together as a portfolio during my unsuccessful job search of 2011 (I used to be a full-time web designer & developer). I apparently knew a couple of things about WordPress. I don’t have a passion for WordPress, but it’s popular, so to move forward I’ve gotta keep abreast — or two — on it.

I worked on one WordPress site in 2017, Black Forest Broadcasting, for a former colleague, moving her from FrontPage (for the love of all things holy). In fact, she was my boss at my first job at WFRM Radio. I think we’ve been through enough to use the term “colleague” considering that was, what… 1995? That required a moment of thought. Whew.

I’ve got another WordPress project coming up fast for a local 501c3 non-profit whose name I won’t bother dropping until I get that site ironed out. My favorite and most rewarding job of all time was a non-profit job at The Franklin Institute when I finished graduate school in 2006. It was truly an, “I have arrived” situation: living in the city, working a creative job. Then, the economy tanked, and from “the great recession” came personal depression that I’ve wrestled down enough to go public again with the facts that I can do stuff like develop websites, write, train, consult, and more.

I promised a local friend that I’d start a blog. She’s got a heart as big as all outdoors, and a second-to-none wit. We’ve shared many laughs which is where all of this stems: I’ve made a lot of people laugh over the years. For that reason, she strongly suggested I get a blog together and started describing Weebly where she has created a decidedly decent website, even if you find the content eccentric. And here I have a domain and fabulous hosting that, until recently, had an “under construction” page that simply veiled my inability to decide what I want to do.

It’s time to do something, or rather, something MORE. This is the start. There are lots of local authors writing about social issues, history, and environmental issues. These are things that need to be addressed. But they won’t be here.

Conjuring humor is the one ability that can really make life feel worthwhile, and that I’ve proven is an in-born asset, not a fluke. It isn’t for everyone, so sometimes, I totally bomb out. But, it is often those failures and other perceived failings that fuel my funnies, as it goes with many comedians. As Osho stated, “It takes a certain darkness to see the stars.”

In clean: I’m no phony, so I’m often to be taken or left, but often taken. That’ll be up to you if it comes down to it. I’m a social creature who loves to meet people. It’s that reason in particular that I don’t have an easy time living here in Coudersport, PA. There is no ebb and flow of people. It’s like “Groundhog Day” except in a Pennsylvania town with less than half the population of Punxsutawney, but plenty of groundhogs, which are ADORABLE.